


Save Me

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Cumshot, Explicit Language, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Snowballing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 14:21:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The days had been freezing in Tokyo. Snow had fallen and coated every available surface with a soft powdery white layer. Honestly, Kaoru couldn’t remember the last time that he’d been so damn cold. The walk from the studio to his apartment was almost more than he could handle, even bundled up in a knee-length coat, scarf, thick plush gloves, and hat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> Beta Readers: gothic_hime  
> Song[s]: "Lead Sail (And A Paper Anchor)" by Atreyu

The days had been freezing in Tokyo. Snow had fallen and coated every available surface with a soft powdery white layer. Honestly, Kaoru couldn’t remember the last time that he’d been so damn cold. The walk from the studio to his apartment was almost more than he could handle, even bundled up in a knee-length coat, scarf, thick plush gloves, and hat. He was shaking by the time he got to his apartment complex.

Stepping inside, he was greeted by a blast of hot air from the heaters in the lobby. For a moment, he stood there, absorbing the wonderful heat that his building was so kind as to supply. After a few moments, he moved toward the elevator bank, pulling off his various accessories, and hit the button to call the elevator. Much to his surprise, it was already on the ground floor. With a smile, he slipped inside the metal box and pushed for the 28th floor. He waited as it climbed up toward the top, slowly unbuttoning his coat, getting used to the warmth of the building, his shaking already stopping.

A soft ding alerted him to the arrival of the car to his floor and he pushed away from the wall, watching the doors slide open. The sight that greeted him once he was out, was something else entirely though. Kyo stood next to his apartment door, his arms wrapped around his body, mostly hidden in his biggest coat. Kaoru never expected these visits and when he did get them, he always found that his mood improved instantly.

Silently, he unlocked the door and gestured Kyo inside in front of him. Once the vocalist was in, he closed and locked the door, quickly shedding his own coat and hanging it beside where Kyo had so carefully placed his own. The pair of them untied their boots, slipping cold feet into warm slippers. Together, they moved into the living room, Kaoru pouring a quick splash of brandy into two glasses and coming back with it, knowing this was the one occasion Kyo would drink. If he was cold, he’d have just enough to feel warm inside, but nothing more.

Kaoru settled on the couch and handed the other his glass. Kyo accepted it with a grateful smile, but still not a single word. He downed it in one go, never one to actually sip it, disliking the taste. Kaoru took a moment longer than Kyo did, savoring the taste of the brandy before he swallowed it. Both stretched out to put their glasses on the table, and then settled back in their comfortable silence.

Kaoru knew why Kyo was here. It was always the same reason and he had long ago told the other man that if he needed to come by, he was always more than welcome. Things were ever-changing in Kyo’s universe and it had been almost a year since Kaoru had found the vocalist waiting for him outside his apartment like this. But the rules were still the same, and by now Kaoru knew better than to say anything until Kyo was ready to as well.

Almost an hour later, Kyo finally spoke up, his voice carrying a strength that it usually didn’t when he wasn’t on stage. Kaoru looked over at him, watching the way Kyo’s chin lifted a bit defiantly, the hard look on his face, and yet the tender sparkle in his eyes.

“I’ve made a decision, Kaoru. About our… interludes.” He paused, eyes flicking to meet Kaoru’s own.

A chill slipped down Kaoru’s spine at the way the words slid off Kyo’s tongue. He waited on more, but it didn’t seem Kyo was going to be forthcoming today. “And that is…?” He felt silly drawing such things from the other, but that was obviously how Kyo wanted this to be or he would have told him outright to start with.

“Emotions have become attached. I know we said we would make certain they weren’t when we did this. But it seems my mind has had other plans. That’s why I haven’t come.” Kyo fell silent, looking away from Kaoru, focusing on a spot on the wall.

“I told you it was ridiculous to believe that either of us could manage this without emotions coming into play,” Kaoru shrugged a little despite Kyo not being able to see it. “Best intentions and all that.”

“I’ve decided there has to be one of two things. Either this becomes something more than it has been or else it stops completely. I can no longer do the in- between.” His words were very matter-of-fact, almost robotic in the way he said them, and Kaoru found himself a little bit uncomfortable with the lack of emotion in the words while they were discussing something very much emotional.

“What did you have in mind for ‘something more’?” Kaoru swallowed a little, shifting slightly in his seat. He was honestly more than a little confused by the other’s attitude and he wanted to make sure he was on the same page as Kyo before committing to something. Though, if he was honest with himself, he knew that it’d been a hard road for him to keep his own emotions out of what they’d been doing. When he had Kyo in his arms, the vocalist giving in to the hell inside his heart, his shirt stained with the other’s emotions, he found it hard not to feel something deeper for him. And when Kyo poured his heart out to him, revealing everything he’d ever done to himself that no one else knew, the way he felt lost and like he was dying inside… it ate at Kaoru’s heart in a way that clearly told him he didn’t feel just friendship. But for Kyo’s sake, he’d always ripped those emotions out of himself, stomped them to dust beneath his feet. But now… what if Kyo wanted all of that? What if- no, he couldn’t do this to himself until the other answered his question. Hope was too much.

Kyo took his sweet time in answering, staring down at his clasped hands for a long time before he finally answered in the most concise manner he could establish. “I want to be the only one in your life like this. I suppose some people would call it a relationship.”

Kaoru felt like his world was turning upside down. All the comfort of thinking he’d known where he stood with Kyo until an hour ago shattered in an instant. He pursed his lips and then closed his eyes as he composed himself and his answer. “Tell me how much of the relationship aspect you’d be looking at. Because I’ll be honest with you, I can’t do partial relationships. I’ve tried in the past and it just ends up in shit.”

Kyo turned dark eyes on Kaoru, something flashing in their depths that couldn’t have been defined even if Kaoru had tried. With the most graceful moments that Kaoru had ever seen, Kyo picked himself up from the couch and straddled Kaoru’s lap. He took Kaoru’s face between his hands, something so gentle about the way his tattooed hands caressed the skin there. Without hesitation, he leaned down, catching Kaoru’s lips with his own, slowly moving his lips against the guitarist’s own, urging a response from the other.

Kaoru couldn’t find his own breath, surprise filtering through his body as Kyo settled on his lap. Instantly, his body responded, heat spiking through him and pleasure sliding into his brain. It was more than obvious that he could definitely do the physical part of this relationship if Kyo only wanted it. Before he could say a word, Kyo’s mouth was pressing on his own, tongue slicking out over his lower lip. Kaoru groaned, immediately sliding his arms around Kyo’s waist and tugging him flush against him. One hand slipped up the back of his shirt, just resting there, pressed lightly against the dip of his lower back. The other hand fisted in Kyo’s shirt, the desperation of the moment filtering into that one gesture, the rest of him utterly calm.

For what seemed like an eternity, their tongues danced the ritual of lovers. The slick slide of muscle against muscle, the occasional gasped breath. At long last, they parted, Kyo’s breathing somehow more labored than Kaoru’s own. He stared down into Kaoru’s eyes, all of his usual barriers gone, utterly open to the older man. “Save me,” he whispered out, the words saying far more than any action could have.

Kaoru slowly released his grip on Kyo’s shirt, sliding his hand around to Kyo’s chest, pressing against his heart for a moment. “Can you promise me this?” It seemed a selfish question, but for all that he looked the strongest man on the outside, inside he craved what any other man did: love.

Kyo’s hand covered his own, pressing it tight against his heart. “You already have it.”

It was the closest they’d ever come to actually saying that they loved one another, convention sparing them the awkwardness of actually saying those words to one another. But the knowledge was there in a far deeper manner than if they’d said the shallow words. 

They moved in tandem, Kyo falling back on the couch, Kaoru coming to hover over him, his hand slipping down from his chest, ever lower until at last he reached his prize. Kyo arched into his hand with a quiet sound, the press of his arousal telling Kaoru he wasn’t the only one who’d felt this from their kiss. He lightly palmed him through his clothing, watching the way Kyo’s face contorted in pleasure, the strain of his muscles as he tried to get closer to him. “You’re gorgeous,” he offered, the words nothing but the truth. The plump red of his new lover’s debauched lips was certainly a sight to behold.

Kyo stared up into Kaoru’s face, his lips parted as he peered up at the other, slick pink tongue darting out for a moment. “Don’t hold back.” It wasn’t an offer, but rather almost a plea.

Kaoru did as he was bid, reaching to push Kyo’s shirt up his torso, his eyes watching everything he was revealing. His pants were stretched tight against his straining erection, his heart hammering in his chest with anticipation of that moment he’d been working toward for so very long. It was the one thing he’d always held back from Kyo, the one thing that singled them out from being in a relationship and just being one another’s emotional stability.

Kyo helped Kaoru get his shirt off, impatient to have that out of his way. The moment his own was gone, he reached for Kaoru’s, tugging it free of his body, revealing the guitarist’s chest to his own view. It was so rare to see him in such a state, and Kyo took his time admiring the other, his hands ghosting over Kaoru’s torso and then sliding down to his pants, fingertips dragging over the ridge of his erection. “You want this,” he whispered out, almost in awe.

The guitarist let out a strangled sort of laugh, just sitting back on his knees and watching Kyo’s tentative exploration of his body. “This isn’t new,” he offered. “It’s the part I’ve been holding back.”

“All this time?” Kyo grasped his belt buckle and eased it open, flicking the button, and then lowering the zipper, watching as Kaoru’s length sprang forth into his waiting palm. He took a moment to admire the other, wetting his lips and then starting to stroke him, a certain ease to his movements. The only response he got from Kaoru was a soft grunt of affirmation, the older male obviously more focused on what he was doing to him right then than on answering. Words would have been a waste right then anyway, he was sure.

He continued stroking the other until Kaoru finally reached down, his fingers curling around his wrist and holding on tightly. The intention was obvious, if he continued, Kaoru was going to lose it, and he didn’t want to right then. Smirking ever so slightly, Kyo thumbed over the head one more time before letting him go and reaching instead for his pants, pushing them lower. He let out a soft gasp at what he found, the top of a tattoo greeting his gaze. Eagerly, he pushed at his lover’s pants, trying to get them lower.

Kaoru gently pushed Kyo’s hands away, standing up and discarding his pants to the side, easing himself back down on the couch between Kyo’s legs. While Kyo took the time to stare at his tattoo, Kaoru worked the younger man’s pants open and eased them down his legs, adding them to the floor. Next came Kyo’s boxers and at long last, Kaoru reached out, taking Kyo in his hand.

Instantly, Kyo’s body went rigid, his hips snapping up as he cried out. Sensation rippled through his body and he found himself completely lost in the feelings Kaoru was providing him with.

Kaoru watched Kyo, finding his reactions to be those of a man who obviously hadn’t been touched by another in a long while. Something like pride welled up inside him, knowing Kyo was letting him into his life like this, like he’d done to so few others. The last shred of hesitation slipped away as he shifted himself back, leaning down and slowly licking over the head of Kyo’s cock.

Kyo’s reaction was immediate, his hips jerking and his voice echoing from the walls as he made it known that he definitely appreciated where this was going.

Achingly slowly, Kaoru slid Kyo’s dick into his mouth, working on it like it was the most incredibly special thing on the planet and he had to worship it. His hair fell down around him, framing his face in soft curls as he peered up the length of Kyo’s body, watching his lover’s face contort in absolute bliss.

Kyo reached for Kaoru, pushing his hand into his lover’s long hair, arching lightly into each downward movement Kaoru made on his dick. No one had ever taken such great care with a blowjob before and he felt like he was already on cloud nine. He let out a sound that was half moan, half growl as Kaoru finally took his hand from around the base of his cock, allowing him to slide further into his mouth. His length throbbed, telling him to back off a little or this would all be over far too soon. With a certain amount of regret, he lowered his butt back to the sofa and relaxed there, just letting Kaoru work rather than helping him.

Kaoru found that Kyo was easy enough to read, seeing that his lover was already so close. He shifted slightly and eased up on how much he was doing to Kyo for the time being, instead searching in the couch cushions for the lube he knew he’d left there a few days ago. He freed the little tube and unscrewed the cap, squirting some onto his fingers, rubbing it around to warm it up. He flicked his gaze up to Kyo, knowing he could see what he’d been doing, and gave him a questioning look.

The slight nod from Kyo was all he needed. Slipping his fingers underneath the blonde’s sac, he gently probed at his entrance, ringing his finger around the tight muscle a few times before easing the first finger into his body. Kyo’s body welcomed him as though it had been expecting this for a long while, almost sucking his finger in with the way the other’s muscles clenched. He groaned softly, pressing a kiss to the tip of Kyo’s cock, his tongue darting out to play with the slit as he slowly thrust his finger in and out of his lover’s body.

It took a few minutes before Kyo’s body finally relaxed, his thighs falling open slightly further. Kaoru took the hint for what it was, adding a second finger to Kyo’s slick passage. His own cock flexed between his legs, anticipating the tight heat of Kyo’s body. How good it was going to feel to thrust into him. The friction would be amazing and the look on Kyo’s face as he fucked him was going to be the best part, he was sure. With a grunt, he pulled up off Kyo’s dick and reached down to fist his hand around his cock, pumping it for a moment, desperate for the relief of such an action. Pre-cum beaded at the tip, a single pearlescent drop suspended there. He swiped it off with his thumb, reaching to rub it across Kyo’s bottom lip, his eyes dark with desire as he gazed at his lover.

Kyo’s tongue slid out, tasting first Kaoru’s finger and then his own lips, a spark of something darker lighting within him. He pushed Kaoru’s head back down to his cock, thrusting into his mouth with a grunt as he sucked the guitarist’s finger into his mouth as though he were giving him head. His tongue teased over the other man’s digit as he thrust into Kaoru’s mouth, so near his peak it was difficult not to go over the edge with his current actions. 

He pulled back from Kaoru’s finger and let out a long moan, pushing Kaoru’s head down as far as the other could take it. He couldn’t hold on any longer, it just wasn’t possible. Kaoru’s fingers had reached a spot deep inside him that sent spirals of white-hot lust through his body, and his cock felt so damn good slipping in and out of that mouth. Easing up on Kaoru’s head, he pulled himself back to only the tip thrusting in and out of the other’s mouth, watching what he was doing. In those last seconds, it was really the visual stimulation that send him spiraling over the edge, watching his cock disappear between reddened lips, seeing how slick his prick was with Kaoru’s saliva, and when Kaoru’s eyes met his own, desire burning so bright within them, he lost it. With a cry, he started to cum, the spasms hitting him deep inside, causing his body to jerk as he provided the other with spurt after spurt of his essence. The first few made it into Kaoru’s mouth, but the last few jerks pulled him free, one shot spilling over Kaoru’s plump lips, the next few raining down on his own abdomen as he emptied himself.

After what felt like an eternity, he was spent, easing back onto the couch with a soft sigh, entirely slack beneath the older man’s body. “Take me,” he whispered out, drawing one leg up enough to allow Kaoru the space.

Without thinking, Kaoru did the only thing his body would let him do right then. He pulled his fingers free and used the rest of the lube to slick up his length. Positioning himself, he eased into Kyo’s body, the tight heat enveloping him like a glove. A shiver slipped through him at the amazing feeling of having Kyo surround him. He shifted down so he was pressing against Kyo’s body as he moved, catching the vocalist’s lips with his own, Kyo’s cum smearing between their eager lips.

Each thrust he made was strong, but slow. His power showed in the way he pushed into Kyo’s body each time, muscles clenching to push him forward, releasing to slide him back. He pulled himself free of Kyo’s lips and hoarsely whispered, “Feel so good,” as he continued to rock his hips against the other, his cock almost fully pulling out and then pushing back in for each thrust. It was so very intimate and it made him feel more connected than anything else had in a very long time.

Kyo’s fingers slid over his back, feeling and teasing, finally settling with a good grip on his ass, pressing him forward each time. When Kaoru’s lips found his neck, he didn’t say a word. Even when he knew it was going to leave a mark, he just let it happen, the glow of his orgasm still with him, and the burn of another already working its way up inside him.

A few times Kaoru shifted their position, giving him more leverage or more of his body pressed against Kyo’s, depending on what he was searching for. When he felt the press of Kyo’s erection against his abdomen, he eased his hand between them and wrapped his fingers around his length. Finally, he abandoned his neck in favor of one pebbled nipple. Sucking it into his mouth, he began to ramp things up, thrusting faster as he shifted the position to allow him to alternate between giving Kyo’s nipple attention and gazing down at his cock filling his lover’s body. His strokes on Kyo’s length became frantic, his position changing one last time as he gripped the arm of the couch behind Kyo’s head for leverage, fucking the vocalist so hard the couch was protesting their movements. When the time came, Kaoru’s face changed from strained concentration to complete bliss in the faction of a second. All he could think was how he was filling Kyo with his cum, claiming the vocalist’s body as his own as he shot his load into him. His hips rocked back and forth as he came, just rubbing against Kyo until he was finished.

Kyo reached down, pushing Kaoru’s slack hand away and taking over. With the feeling of Kaoru’s cum shooting inside him and the look on the other’s face, it didn’t take him long. He pushed up on one elbow and peered down at where they were joined, Kaoru’s cock still thick inside him. One more stroke and he found his end a second time, throwing his head back and crying out Kaoru’s name as he clenched around him, violently jerking the cum from his cock, spurts of it spraying out between them as he came even harder than he had the first time.

He kept going until he couldn’t stand the touch any longer, finally releasing his cock and falling back on the couch, a final spasm wracking his body as Kaoru slid out of him and shifted down to cradle him in his arms. He reached up, holding onto the other man like he was his anchor in life.

For a long while, neither spoke. When, at long last, they did, it was Kyo who spoke up first. He offered a quiet affirmation of his pleasure in what they’d done, Kaoru returning it with one of his own. And when they parted, it was only for long enough to find them in the bedroom, curled beneath the sheets as sleep overcame them. Kaoru’s last thought was that this was how it had meant to be all along.

**The End**


End file.
